woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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