Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Success! We fucked roommates!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
