Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
