And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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