This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize