apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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