i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
