I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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