I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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