So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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