you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
