i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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