You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
