We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
