I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
