fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
