Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
