haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
