i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
