One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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