I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
