I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I would fuck him just for his dog
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