i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
