Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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