Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
