Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
