Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
