he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
