; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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