i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Girls should come with a carfax report
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
