I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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