Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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