I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
