Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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