That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize