Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Your cock deserves a montage
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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