well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
