Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
