Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
