we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
