my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
