we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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