the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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