I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
