we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
