I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
