He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
