Ambien. No doubt about it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
