I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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