She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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