well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
