I like to think it a success when the cops are called
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
