So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
