quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
