You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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