nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Your penis caused this!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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