If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
