you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
