you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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