My liver just broke up with me...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
