Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My life is pants optional.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
