i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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