I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
