Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
