I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
