If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
