Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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