I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
